Feb 16, 2018Push Forward, Part 2
Part 1 of this article can be found here.
Before you can engage athletes, you have to determine what drives them. To do this, find their “why,” as Simon Sinek wrote in his book Start With Why. Problem is, no one really explains how to do this.
I begin by modeling vulnerability. In a highly competitive, ego-driven business like athletics, being vulnerable is often viewed as a weakness. In truth, it’s a strength. I try to model this behavior by meeting with players at the start of each training period. We call the first 15 minutes their “why meeting.” During this time, I open up by telling players my why, and then I ask for theirs. By showing vulnerability first, I set the tone for the discussion and allow players to get to know me. When they start to see me as more than just their coach, I can begin the process of obtaining their permission to lead them.
Even if you’re open and honest with athletes, you still might have to dig to get at their why. It is difficult to get athletes to truly define why they play the game, and, often, it has nothing to do with the sport itself. To discover their deeper motivation, I usually ask three questions:
• If you could no longer play your sport, what would you do? You would be amazed how many players have never thought about their mortality as athletes. It can be hard to get an answer, as most athletes will simply shrug their shoulders, say they don’t know, and expect you to move on. Don’t. Ask about their hobbies or past jobs and if they enjoyed any of them. And when all else fails, use silence. Sit there and stare at them until they give you an answer.
Once they do, you’ll probably be surprised at what they say. I had one player tell me he would sail around the world. Another said he wanted to be an ESPN broadcaster, and I’ve heard many other ideas. Knowing what athletes want to do after their playing days are over connects you to them on a deeper level and forms a basis on which you can motivate them.
• What is the most difficult thing you have been through in your life? It is very easy to rush to judgment about an athlete’s attitude or character based on a single interaction. Asking this question keeps that reflex in check and provides some background on your players.
That being said, if you ask this question, be prepared for some potentially shocking answers. I had one player tell me that he watched his father shoot his mother and then commit suicide right in front of him. Before knowing this, my younger coaching self might have called him “soft” or tried to intimidate him with fear if he was dogging on a sprint. But after learning about his past and what he had to overcome just to stand in front of me, I knew he wouldn’t respond to fear-based tactics. It provided me the appropriate empathy I needed to develop and motivate him.
• Who is the most influential person in your life? I want to know who has the athlete’s ear, who they respect the most, and why. I then get the athlete’s permission to contact their “influencer,” and I reach out to them. In this initial communication, I also ask the influencer if I can continue to contact them throughout the athlete’s career. My ultimate goal is to get them to sign off on me. Not only is this extremely powerful in the athlete’s eyes, but it gives me someone to rely on if I ever need to refocus the athlete.
Of course, calling everyone’s influential person takes time. But that’s okay, because you spell love t-i-m-e. To make it fit into my schedule, I call one or two influencers every night on my way home from work. You might think this would be a drain, but it actually reenergizes me.
Once I determine each athlete’s why, I enlist motivational tools to make necessary changes to their behavior. There are two methods for doing this: Analyze-Think-Change and See-Feel-Change.
When presented with a request to alter a habit, athletes rarely analyze it, think about it, and change their behavior accordingly. One of the reasons for this is positive illusion bias — meaning, athletes always view themselves more favorably than their peers.
For example, say an athlete who is usually on time shows up late for a workout, and you come down hard on him. In his head, he will try to justify why you gave him the same reprimand that you delivered to another player who has a serial tardiness issue. He will think, “I have only been late twice, but Johnny has been late five times, and he has the same accountability.” It won’t add up, and the player won’t change his behavior.
On the other hand, See-Feel-Change plays on our emotions, both negative and positive. This is especially powerful when trying to motivate athletes.
Emotions like fear and anger tend to elicit faster responses but aren’t great for long-term solutions. I only use fear and anger to change behavior when I need to drive home a point. Additionally, when dishing out this type of reinforcement, I keep it unemotional. When both the coach and the athletes have negatively charged emotions, it can often lead to very bad outcomes.
One example of when I use fear- and anger-based tactics is at the beginning of each training period. I remind players of the consequences they will face for common indiscretions, and I get their pledge that they understand the expectations and are committed to the program. If they fail to meet those standards, I simply remind them of their pledge and what the accountability measures are. The fear should be of the consequences, not of you.
More often than not, however, I use positive emotions, such as curiosity and joy, to change athletes’ mindsets and actions. I would much rather have players come to the weightroom engaged and excited than fearful and angry.
